Unit of protest to be standardized, to be called ‘Theek-Hai’

(Published at http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2013/03/14/unit-of-protest-to-be-standardized-to-be-called-theek-hai/)
There have been many instances in the recent past where Govt. expressed its unhappiness/protest and media was found grappling with phrases to accurately capture its magnitude.

The chintan shivir discussed this issue at length and concluded that ”this is a democratic country and the govt. is answerable to the people. When incidents such as 26/11 or the Italian marine escapade happen, it is people’s right to know whether the Govt has understood the gravity of the situation and acted accordingly by expressing the commensurate unhappiness. Each media house has devised its own arbitrary scale  and used them to misrepresent  serious governmental unhappiness as inaction. Key performance indicators such as protest and unhappiness have to be standardized.”

The govt. is also considering a proposal to ‘initiate-the-process-of-wide-ranging-consultations-with-all-stake-holders’ to spin-off a new ministry to tackle the state’s protest strategy. It is speculated that this portfolio will be held by the pm. “Unhappiness is a valuable and effective resource at State’s disposal and we have to be strategic about its deployment. Starting next year we will have a protest budget presented along with the railway budget and union budget. Every year we spend trillions of Theek-Hais of protest against various issues and we need to be accountable to people”, read a statement issued by PMO.

This is the first mention of ‘Theek-Hai’ in official dissemination and is intended to be popularized by all the Oxford-Cambridge ministers and spokespersons of congress. The planning commission, issuing guidelines for the protest expression, set the unhappiness level for delhi-gang rape incident at 1 Theek-Hai. While the opposition has expressed 2 units of Theek-Hai at the planning commission’s benchmark, home ministry has backed the decision. The apex court, in its turn, has expressed a unit Theek-Hai unhappiness after identifying a grammar mistake in the leave letter submitted by the Italian marines and declared their leave to be void.

Ready?say cheese...err...say chineese

Inspired by the original article at http://www.economist.com/node/21528591 on 9/15/11

 Amid fears of a double-dip global recession lurking round the corner and EU's worsening debt crisis,the world is now looking eastwards with hope. While the soothsayers have been singing in unison praising China all along,only the current economic context has made the idea catch some fire.

Sir Wordsnotworth, an oxford scholar form the Dept. of Humanities and The-Apparently-High-Sounding-Useless-Studies, in an article for the Chinaman, postulates that the Chinese dominance is going to transpire in two phases.In the first, people immigrate to China and in the second,Chinese go around colonizing. While this is feared to cripple Indian economy, a counter-intuitive Kapil Sibal,union minster for HRD,looks at it as an opportunity,"A while ago we realized Americans needed code and now even my grand mom could write junk to feed their machines. If the Chinese are going to make some humble wishes,why say no? Of-course, you need to do some tweaks to your educational system".In a welcome measure,the AICTE has approved inclusion of new degrees in copyright violation,intellectual property infringement and fast food engineering all under a broader category of bachelor in reverse engineering.Microsoft is patenting a new keyboard design with dozen more of Ctrl,C,X and V keys so as to keep up with new trends in customer requirements.

At the international classical mandarin conference during the launch of his new book "You can copy", the popular motivational speaker Sheev K Ra urged students not to re-invent the wheel time and again.Students who attended the workshop said they finally felt "vindicated". ETS, who administer the GRE, in their recent news release announced the specifics of the new Mandarin GRE (M-GRE,in short). They found the student response satisfactory to the surreptitiously inserted mandarin alphabet instead of the tables and graphs. "The management institutes are not far behind. At Byju's cat classes students are being assured they will be taught mandarin to level way above the Mandarin the Chinese actually use.

"But this transformation is not going to be easy" says Mr Rao, principal of the narayana e-nano-techno schools pointing out the difficulties students face in learning Mandarin. "They often end up confusing the diagrams and the text.Also some keep questioning why the same person was pictured in all the chapters." A stock middle-class parent interviewed at the nallakunta market sounded optimistic about the whole thing. "I am going to prepare my child for the toughest of the mandarin exams from day one. We know it's a long journey,but we have to start someday", she said stuffing noodles and chop sticks in to the grocery bag.
The author is well renowned profligate time-waster.This piece serves as a lab exercise for those who want to master the art.

Got rich in the weekend

The first time I walked out of an examination hall with neither regrets nor complaints but with a sense of triumph and accomplishment. Don't even suspect if I had cracked the paper. No, I wasn't dreaming either. I had been invigilating. But why triumph? Just hold on.

They say interviews are cricket matches in which you never get to bat and are badly hit for sixes in all the innings instead. But I got a rare chance of winning the toss and batting first. I'm talking about a Distance Learning Program comprehensive exam last weekend. Senior Software developer, Sumsang India(name changed, oh really???) was asking me for excuses; System Engineer, Motokola went blank with the questions I supplied; Project Manager,RCOM was looking at me for mercy with sweat all over his face (the last added ingredient is for exaggeration-the guy was actually sitting in a corner where a fan form the other corner was striving hard to make its presence felt).

They've seen skin-tight jeans and slim-fit shirts but these 'only-the slim-fit' desks in class 3 of Baldwin School didn't make a suggestible fashion for these guys. The fatso in the first desk hesitantly sat and got his tummy jammed in between just leaving himself some space for breath. People surrounding him were convinced at this allowance. However,they promised to pull him off the desk safe in single piece without any amputations. Claps,cheers,roars and madness.From a stage set on fire, Farhan Akthar was shouting at top of his voice. I was one among those thousands banging their heads. The music stopped suddenly and he was waving his hand at me calling me "boss!!"I jerked my head to see if it was really true.And obviously it wasn't. A streaming picture of a tall and lean creature with human traces was getting clearer. Thanks to the late nite show of 'Rock on' before night.I just got caught in an exam in which I was supposed to catch. I didn't know we too were being watched. They passed the news to everyone in the hierarchy,probably only the VC might have been spared. The DLPD person in charge commissioned an expert team to spy on me and left no chance of embarrassing me.But guys,this wasn't something new happening to 'me and sleep'. So I pretended as if I was ashamed and managed to be alert from then.As a result,I spotted a person who was rolling her eyes to scan text from papers around. I walked up to her and inquired her problem.She denied it and smiled awkwardly. May be she was trying to say that she was actually practicing Kathakali and I mistook her for something else.Her hall ticket said she is a senior manager from **** which runs regular BUS services from our campus. Hope she doesn't remember my face. Wait a sec, even if she does it'll only better my chances. I was 'doing my job sincerely' after all-exactly what she might want one of her new recruits doing.

"Be Negative" - My blood group...

I aspire to be something
but that something keeps changing

I wanted to be the sun
- I had to wake up early morning
while i enjoyed the hug of Morpheus
my contender was up and beaming

the world looks short of pilots
and the skies seem to be waiting
my senses aren't just quick enough
I already started aging

I cud be a prophet and
save the world from ending
but the doom is inevitable
and just that its pending